Sunday 19th July 2009 - Spare room without any spare room

I did something this morning that I very rarely do. I was awoken by my alarm at 7am and led back to consider getting up, and how I was going to go about it (sometimes I just roll over and over until I'm in the bath, sometimes I shimmy down the covers until I land in a heap on the floor and sometimes I just slam my face on the bedside counter until I'm completely awake). I spent so much time thinking about how to get up, I was asleep again. I was having a dream about a gang of lads mugging old women (obviously) when someone strolled into my dream and said 'excuse Mr Cooper. You do know you're asleep don't you?'. My eyes opened so quickly the lightshade started swinging.

Anyway, I got up and still made it out of the house on time. Sam Brydges, my faithful newshound, came and picked me up and took me to work for another 4 hours of award-deserving radio! A problem from today's News of the World problem page;

"I've been with my boyfriend now for a few months, and recently he asked me to wear a pair of high heeled shoes and kick him as hard as I could in the testicles"

Where's the problem there? I know plenty of women who would be delighted to be given such an opportunity! The next bit made me laugh more though;

"I was hoping that one day we would have children. Could this practice effect our ability to conceive naturally?"


Erm... yeah!

How annoying is the guy in the Crunchie Nut Clusters advert? The one who says "I'm sorry sir, this one is broken... can you hear that?". Fuck off. I'm sorry, if you know him or admire him from afar, or think I'm shallow for forming an opinion of someone who I've never met in person, but underneath your blinkered view of planet earth, you know I'm right. He's annoying just to look at!



I cleared out the spare room tonight. It's the smallest room in the house, including the downstairs toilet and the airing cupboard, so why did it take me the best part of 5 hours to make it look like a spare room!? Then I had to clamber into the loft to 'store' things, amongst the bat piss and bird eating spiders. So now I have insulation splinters all over me. I've been sticking tape to me and ripping it off to try and dislodge the splinters, but it still feels like a thousand dwarf hedgehogs are doing the hokey-cokey up and down my arms.



Anyway, I'm going to bed now. I thinking I'm starting to develope swine flu, so I'd better try and sleep it off. Tataa for now! Be good. M xxx